A lot of interesting thoughts here, thanks Thomas!

First, it's interesting to me that you talked about male self-improvement almost exclusively in the context of dating. From what I've heard talking to the men in my life, they also pursue self-improvement for many different purposes (personal satisfaction, fitness, growing their business among some others).

Second, I can't see why you can't both accept yourself as you are (feel that you're enough) and compete at the same time? I think this applies regardless of gender, that self-improvement becomes healthier when it's not a means for validating our worth, but more like "bonus points" to who we already are.

Of course you're more qualified to speak on behalf of men than I am. But speaking to my male friends, I often heard the sentiment of feelings "not good enough" and the desire to be at peace with who they currently are. Again, I don't see how this would be in the way of improving oneself or being more attractive to women.

As a woman, I've met men that I could feel were searching for validation from me and sometimes that made them come across as needy. I'm not saying there's something wrong with it, but it certainly didn't make them more attractive in my eyes. To me, a man is infinitely more attractive when he knows his own worth independently of the "success measures" society dictates.