You Can Only Hold What You’re Supported to Hold
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There’s a kink I have. And it has nothing to do with sex.
It has to do with work.
It’s compulsively taking on as much I can (just about) handle in terms of work gigs, community projects and learning. It’s overloading my calendar to feel important and worthy. It’s running around telling everyone how busy I am and quietly thinking: “Why is no one supporting me?”
Of course, I’m not in that energy all the time. But this New Moon, I’m really noticing it. I’m plotting how to survive the next few months before the summer, which is when I will give myself “permission to rest.”
There’s a belief that’s running my life strongly still:
I need to do a lot and feel super tired first, to deserve rest and pleasure later.
The caveat of that is that I often burn out before I get to the finish line. Or, after getting there, I first need to spend days or weeks reorienting to what my life means without work. I’m exhausted and have no energy to actually enjoy my free time. Most of all, I’m confused about who I am without constantly having something to do.
The time is ripening to change this. But how?
