How I Turned My Sacred Inner Work Into an Achievement

Obsessive “work” on the self is taking me off track.

The self-improvement space is ill. Or maybe, I’m ill — but externalize my internal issues to be able to blame someone or something out there for my struggles.

(The latter is always easier because, for a moment, it gives you an excuse. It allows you to fool yourself that you’re not responsible for your attitude to life. That’s it — personal responsibility covers our attitudes, rather than what we manage to make happen in our lives.)

In any case, self-improvement and the pursuit of a better life have brought me to a place of devaluing life as it is right now. It also reinforced my default, ancient belief that I can never be good enough. If you read my writing before, you’ve seen this theme come up more than anything else. But for my own sake, I need to reiterate it, speak about it over and over, until I realize:

There’s nothing I’d rather be than myself, here and now. No amount of self-improvement porn can replace self-acceptance.

The desire to optimize, improve and better myself has penetrated my life so deeply that it’s embarrassing to talk about it. I turned all my endeavours — spiritual ones included — into projects to prove my own worth. On the way, I also started comparing myself to friends who, the way I see it, are making faster progress on the…