This Is a Post Written For Me

Don’t read it — unless you are, for whatever reason, interested in the content of a tired writer’s head.

Today is the 25th day of my 30-day daily publishing challenge on Medium. What an experiment, what a journey. How revealing! How insightful!

The truth is — today I feel sick of writing. But because it is so close to the end, I won’t give up. I’d rather produce a poor quality post than give up. Why?

Humans are incredible beings. What happens in the actual, material reality is rarely as important to us as the concepts in our heads. Our imagination often tells to disregard our present moment feeling — and pursue the goal we once set for ourselves in the past.

I am still writing this because on the 20th of May I decided it would be a good idea to challenge myself. I imagined that if I managed to write and publish for 30 consecutive days — something magical would happen.

The funny part? I still kind of believe that.

I have seen many benefits that stem from this process already. I now obsess about claps and curation way more than before — if at all. I have seen my mind accessing ideas when I thought there were none left. I typed with speed, focus and unprecedented clarity at times.

I realized my unconscious patterns in how I structure my writing when I think I don’t structure it at all.

I have already learned enough to stop today, at day 25. But I can’t. It is not an option at this point. I am so close to completion that giving up today just wouldn’t make any sense.

It would be like running a marathon and then stopping on the last kilometre even though you know you can do it until the end. Maybe you won’t be super fast or look very sporty. Maybe you’ll drag your feet through the finish line. But if there is an absolute conviction that you can keep going until the end — the idea of giving up is ridiculous.

This is how I am feeling today. I can perceive my writing mind as drained and squeezed to the limits, in a very physical way. There are barely any words left to choose from. But I know that there is just enough of them to make it to day 30. So I will.

Being human, I anticipate the sense of reward coming from completing a challenge like that. Something that I thought wasn’t possible for me to do. 30 days of consistent writing and publishing, no matter what. Holy shit.

I know that for some people this is no big deal. They can write much more than that on a daily basis, and over much longer stretches of time. I am so much in awe of what you do, writers out there. But to me, this challenge is a stretch. It is something that, as I said, I never thought I was capable of doing.

And to accomplish something you thought was out of your reach is kind of a big deal. So I persist.

This whole experiment clearly shows me that the limits we think we have are very real. But they are real only due to the fact that we choose to believe so. Once we challenge our belief system, walls may collapse.

We may discover a repository of strength that was simply hidden from sight before. We may have a breakthrough. You never know if the tipping point of your process is not just around the corner. It may be.

But you will never realize it if you don’t go out of the habitual patterns you are comfortably resting in. I know, this has been said before. But to me, it is a different thing to read about it in self-improvement blogs and books — and then, very different to experience it first-hand.

Creativity feels weird and conflicted to me at times. On one hand, it demands a certain form of commitment, stability and training your mind to fish ideas out of the primordial soup of your unconscious. On the other, it demands you to step out of your routine and surprise your own self, by doing what you haven’t done before. Or at least, what you haven’t done in a while.

To come up with ideas we need to both know ourselves — and get surprised with insights we never thought we could have. The contradiction found in this is mind-boggling. It implies a never-ending search for equilibrium. It, most certainly, implies that this equilibrium is never sustained for long.

This is why I think creative challenges like this one are necessary. They can reveal new pathways into, through, and out of the equilibrium.

I feel tired today and I will not hit the mark of 1,000 words in this post. At 848, this has to be enough. There is no other way to move forward than to forgive myself for that.

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What if you stopped treating your ego as the enemy and befriended it instead? To find out, read my new book, Ego-Friendly: https://gumroad.com/l/ego-friendly

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