To Understand Others, You Have to Honour Yourself

The practical and spiritual value of putting yourself first

For a bigger chunk of my life, I looked for validating my self-worth through being helpful to others.

You can attribute this to many factors. Being raised to be a “good woman” in a patriarchal society. Being born into a family where everyone seeks to please everyone else. Maybe genes that predispose me for finding my value in how others perceive me? Who knows.

The bottom line is, the reason behind my condition isn’t that important. Focusing on why I am the way I am has many times pointed me in an unhelpful direction. Instead of asking “How can I help myself?” I’d point fingers at others. I’d dig into my family and friendship history to dismiss personal responsibility for my life.

It was okay to operate this way for a while. Most people take some time to understand that going into the past can only help them so much. Yes, making sense of our history may provide a deeper understanding of what happens in our lives today. But ultimately, the question that begs to be answered is:

What is the best way to move forward from where I stand today?

That’s the question I’m trying to answer today. I realize that my eagerness to help others as a means to feel better about myself runs deep. But “helping others” isn’t just about doing tangible things, like cooking lunch for my…