What Does It Mean To Be a Woman?

Society has been teaching me what it means — do you want me to tell you?

Marta Brzosko

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It means wearing make up, high heels and skinny dresses that are glued to a nice skinny body. Not too skinny, though — only to the point when breasts are still big enough.

It means buying clothes on a regular basis, to stay in fashion and wear the most trendy colours and types of clothes. It means keeping the old clothes as well, so that she can always use them later for a ‘retro style’. Besides, a woman can never have too many pairs of shoes — so collect shoes as much as you can, for it will make you more womanly.

Woman’s body should always be smooth as silk. Remember this — it is very important. An attractive woman is not allowed to show any hair on her legs, in her armpits and should also have a pssst… shaved vagina. Otherwise, no man will want her.

Same for the sweat and smell. If she wants to appeal to anyone, a woman will never EVER allow the world to receive her natural smell. Deodorant first, then a layer of perfume — she shouldn’t leave the house without preparing herself like this first. If she has a bigger problem, she will just take some pills. Besides, she makes sure to buy those pantyliners with a fresh scent — they will absorb all the uncomfortable smells from down there.

Woman’s body should be properly toned, have a flat belly, hips proportionally wider than the waist, with just a little bit of fat on the hips. Breasts are best when they stick out and don’t fall down. The bigger the better, but only until they don’t start gravitating towards the Earth.

A woman should watch herself not to become pregnant at the wrong time — but then, when the time is right, she knows just what to do to her body to make it instantly fertile. She swallows contraceptives when she and her partner don’t want a child. That’s how she is in control and responsible for her hormones, as well as for the well-being of the relationship. Then when the time comes, she miraculously turns into a perfect, healthy and nurturing mother.

Oh, and then she loses extra weight after pregnancy, quickly and in a disciplined manner. No pain, no gain, leave the excuses aside and just get back in shape, girl!

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