Member-only story
Why I Stopped Calling People My “Best Friends”
Labelling relationships is constraining for all parties.
Back in primary school, it was customary to have one best friend. For a girl, it usually was another girl. I had one, too.
We would always sit next to each other in class. She was “the one” to turn to when I had a secret to share, a worry to release or a new game to play.
The chosen friend — one level of importance higher than everybody else.
That first female friendship conditioned me for years because it planted a very strong idea in my mind: that it is natural to value certain people over others. That there must be some kind of a hierarchy within my social circle. That there are friends who, once labelled as “best,” deserved the biggest chunk of my attention.
As if we had some sort of a sacred agreement.
And indeed, there were unwritten rules between us that we agreed to obey — even though we never spoke them out loud. There were secrets that only my best friend knew about me. When she got into an argument, it only felt natural that I take her side. I also thought I should prioritize spending time with her over spending time with others. And so on.
